I feel perpetually torn about the purpose of this blog, as my actual “tell the world stuff” blog is going on over at Tao of Prosperity now. I suppose this space is just to be me and say what I’m personally doing. I suppose I should put a big ol’ disclaimer somewhere at the top that I’m not necessarily going to be saying anything all that CRAZY INSIGHTFUL, and I might actually just babble and if you are interested in really deep profound stuff you might have to read through a lot of cruft to find it.

I guess I like to keep it because it proves I’m a real human being, and I think we need more of that in the world. It’s fine to be an expert, but I want you to be a real human being too. And I want to be both. Because it’s just true.

This is what is going on for me at the moment: complete reorganization of my brain. OK, that is actually going on usually anyway. Sometimes I think I must have very flexible brain cells now after all this personal growth work.

Which brings me to my topic of the day: slowing down to allow time for integration. I write about this periodically but it still is something we all need reminding about because of our crazy yang-ified over-working culture.

Slow. down.

I’m taking the next two weeks mostly-off. Which to me, since I love my work and love working, means I make everything even more optional and play-ful. For example I just spent the morning working on my profiles at Biznik and LinkedIn and stuff but totally stopped when I got to Plaxo and Evite because who cares really. I got bored so I decided to blog. See? It’s like, total permission to float all over the place. That is my definition of vacation: when productivity is a side-effect of having fun. Usually I want to make sure to do both in equal amounts. So I will occassionally make an effort to be productive about things I’m not 100% crazy about. Just to make sure my i’s are dotted. But for the next two weeks (or however long I can stand it), it’s 100% fun and productivity is a bonus which I’m totally not aiming for.

If you are wondering why I keep saying “totally”, it’s because I just finished  Kung Fu Panda on my Xbox yesterday and it is full of words like “totally” and “awesome” and sometimes my writing voice gets affected  by things I do. I suppose I should work on that so I’m more consistent and stuff. Maybe next year. Or maybe I will never be consistent. Meh.

OK, so what is my brain re-organization? It’s a combination of:

1. starting a new coaching/consulting biz helping people with their spiritual-business-money stuff. which means adjusting to scheduling, appointments, and everything else that goes into this kind of work.
2. getting ready to take some trainings in the next year, long termish, and my history around schooling is, um, difficult. I think it will be OK though. I really want to take them and it’s not your ordinary school. IE non-institutional. I hope.
3. new place to live. still. unpacking. I don’t want to talk about it. but the walls are pretty colors and that is a win.
4. mostly it’s that I’m finally DOING THE THING. Instead of tip-toeing around it. I have been tip-toeing for, oh YEARS, so stepping into it means my life is just taking on a whole lot of extra dimensions.

What extra dimensions? It’s this funny feeling that I’m actually living it. Like I’m committed to my life in a way that I wasn’t before. I was just sort of observing. I never really felt like it was my life. I was dropped off here by mistake perhaps. I don’t really belong. I got the dates wrong. Or the planet. Or maybe I just didn’t read the travel brochure carefully enough. Isn’t there a warranty on this life? Can I get a refund?

So right now is really about OK, I’m HERE. Here I am. I’m doing the thing I came here to do. I’m going to stop talking about it and worrying and fretting about it and just do it. Which is great. But it’s different. In a totally good way.

But all things that are new and different take time to settle in and it’s important to allow the body time to adjust. To get used to it. To throw some fits and want to go back to the old way. To protest a little. To come around to it in good time. To put toes in the water and run around excitedly babbling about the temperature and then jump back in and out and in until you forget you were ever not used to it. That’s how change happens. You don’t just wake up one day. You wake up every day, a little different.

OK, it’s not about saving the world. Duh. It’s just about being in the world.

According to my psychic friend, the 2012 thing is like this: we are all being pulled like a magnet toward awakening and being more conscious/happy. IE letting go of negative energy states and being pulled into higher ones. It’s happening to us, all of us, the same.

Each planet is alive and ours is too, and we’re part of it, we’re part of its evolutionary matrix, if you will.

So the world is “saving” itself, it’s already happening.

Which is a relief for those of us with Savior complexes. (But, the world! What a mess! The sky is falling! What to do, what to do! I have a gift, shouldn’t I be using it to save the world? But, but, I feel such ambivalence and responsibility and aaaaack!)

If you feel like you came here for a reason, you did, but it’s more to experience this shift rather than create the shift. The shift is what it is. You can participate in it. In fact, you already are. You’re already being pulled or pushed to express your true nature, to enjoy your experience here, to have fun and be lighter. You’re gradually lightening up and waking up. It’s already happening. So you can embrace it and live it and relax. OK?

And your gift? We all have them. Just use it, and enjoy it. Using a gift is as much for you as for anyone else. You live your best life when you are using your gift. Other people benefit too. But they’d be OK even if you did something else. Really.

Note to self: Stop being codependent with the whole dang world.